Week 8 · 2026
ESPN Projections
| Projected line | Projection | Call |
|---|---|---|
| Swift kick in the Dak −3.0 overCornstar | 110.1 – 107.1 | Upset |
| Gibbed for your pleasure −25.1 overThe ChoSimba Ones | 132.8 – 107.7 | Called it |
| Trick or Trick It’s Mike Vick −6.7 overRemember the Nice Guys, ChatGPT | 127.7 – 121.0 | Upset |
| I am dead inside −9.1 overReturn of the IDP | 116.3 – 107.2 | Upset |
| God's Commissioner −31.6 over2x Runner Up | 135.9 – 104.3 | Called it |
| Tuten Your Mother, Respectfully −9.0 overOne Big Beautiful Dillbot | 120.9 – 111.9 | Called it |
Captured Oct 29, 2026 · 12:13 PM PDT, before kickoff
The Recap
The commish became the first manager in league history to win 100 games, and nobody else’s game was close enough to steal the headline. The tightest finish of the week was 9.5 points, and even that one needed a Monday-night miracle to get there.
God’s Commissioner got to 100 the way he’s been getting everything lately, through Tony Pollard, who followed last week’s 35.0 with 27.2. Geno Smith, the free agent Wade signed for the occasion, scored 20.0 in his first start, and Wade won by 59.2 even though Zay Flowers gave him nothing. He also traded for Caleb Williams and Woody Marks this week and didn’t start either of them, which is the roster-management version of buying a boat just to leave it in the driveway. 2x Runner Up actually led after Thursday night on Matthew Golden’s 17.4, and then Michael Penix Jr., the quarterback Trevor threw back a week ago, finished at -1.9, which isn’t a stat line so much as a fine. Luke has beaten Wade 11 times and none of them will be remembered like the one he lost, his Sacko odds are 52%, and the cake with the 1 and the two 0s has been delivered. Enjoy it, commish, because Pollard’s on bye next week.
This week’s preview said Caleb Williams would finally start for The ChoSimba Ones. Dillon read that, traded Caleb to Wade along with Woody Marks, who spent his entire week on this roster on bye, and started Jared Goff, who scored 10.0. In fairness to the trade, Jonah Coleman (18.4) and Ladd McConkey (10.6) scored 29 of Dillon’s 72.5, which makes them the only part of his week that worked, while DK Metcalf, the other recent arrival, scored 0.9, and A.J. Brown and Breece Hall both got hurt and never played, which is just rotten luck. Dillon led after Thursday night for the second week running, which at this point isn’t a lead, it’s a warm-up act, and then Gibbed for your pleasure scored 116.2 in the Sunday early games alone, with Tee Higgins going for 32.5, and won by 68.4, the biggest blowout of the week, while Will Reichard kicked a zero. Jack’s 6-2 and up 11-8 in the series, and Dillon’s prize is the low score of the week, playoff odds under 1%, and a rematch next week without Metcalf, who’s on bye.
Last week Cornstar started Tyler Allgeier against the man who traded him to her, got 6.4, and won Bold Strategy for it. This week Lexi started him again on a 7.1 projection, and he scored 33.6, which I’m told means I owe her an apology and the award back. Jordan Love opened with 24.4 on Thursday night, Ja’Marr Chase added 25.6, and Lexi led 122.5 to 78.2 going into Sunday night, which should have been the end of it. Swift kick in the Dak made it interesting anyway, because Antonio Williams scored 7.9 on Sunday night and D’Andre Swift went for 26.9 on Monday night, the best score of anyone in the Monday game, and Shawnee clawed all the way back to within 9.5 before running out of players. It was the closest game of the week, and it still wasn’t close, but the reigning sacko deserves credit for refusing to go quietly. Lexi’s four-game skid is over and her playoff odds jumped 7 points to 25%, Shawnee’s lost three straight and sits at 9%, and I picked Shawnee because I “wasn’t falling for it twice,” so it turns out I fall for it in both directions.
Tuten Your Mother, Respectfully put up the week’s top score, 152.3, and the team name finally earned its keep: Bhayshul Tuten, back from his bye, scored 28.9, Joe Burrow went for 44.4, the best individual game in the league, and the Jaguars D/ST chipped in 21.0. Zach led wire to wire, but One Big Beautiful Dillbot got it to 135.0 to 131.8 after Patrick Mahomes scored 28.4 filling in for Brock Purdy, and then Luther Burden III, one of the two players Zach got from Dillon, scored 15.1 on Monday night to put it away. Grant’s 131.8 would have beaten eight of the other eleven teams this week, and he lost anyway, mostly because Bijan Robinson scored 7.6 on an 18.2 projection. The streak ends at three, though his playoff odds somehow went up 4 points to 96%, and Zach’s are at 99%. I picked against Grant and said it hurt, and I’d like it noted that being right hurt more.
The preview said Remember the Nice Guys, ChatGPT would know by Friday morning whether he had a weekend, and Kevin had a weekend: Chuba Hubbard (21.4), Josh Jacobs (20.2) and Tetairoa McMillan (8.8) put up 50.4 on Thursday night, and he never trailed. Matthew Stafford scored 9.2 on an 18.9 projection and it didn’t matter, because Tyler Bass, a waiver claim this week, kicked in 16.0, and Trick or Trick It’s Mike Vick finished 25.8 under projection with a zero from Chris Godwin Jr. Drake Maye did his part with 24.3, and Nate still dropped 11 points in the playoff odds to 66% and went to 103 career losses. Kevin’s three-game skid is over, he leads the series 9-8, and he’s still at exactly 100 losses, which he’s apparently decided is a nice round number to stop at.
The preview called I am dead inside’s winning streak a heater built entirely on Dillon, and the first opponent with a pulse ended it. Josh Allen came back from his bye with 28.4, and Return of the IDP pulled away in the late games behind Jaylen Waddle and Kyren Williams, which was enough to survive Jason Myers kicking his way to -1.0 on Monday night. Trevor got 18.4 from Harold Fannin Jr. on a 6.9 projection, but Drake London scored 1.3, Jayden Daniels came back from his bye with a quiet 15.9, and the whole team finished 22.8 under projection, so the playoff odds fell 7 points to 4%. Jono’s at 80% with a 7-4 series lead, and since Lexi won too, both underdogs in that house won on the same weekend, which should make for a very smug breakfast.
The receipts: I went 4-for-6. The Lock cashed, and it cashed history, with Wade’s 100th win. The Upset Alert cashed too, because Josh Allen was, in fact, scarier than two wins over Dillon. Jack and Zach came through, while Nate and Shawnee did not, and the Game of the Week turned out to be the biggest blowout of the week, so I’ll be leaving the scheduling to professionals. The Bold Prediction got its headline right and the details wrong, since Wade got to 100 but Zach took the high score, and Kevin refused to reach 101 losses by simply winning. On to the hardware: Zach takes Team of the Week for 152.3 and a 44-point quarterback, Nate gets Biggest Choke for losing as the favorite while finishing 25.8 under projection, Dillon takes Sacko for the low score and a quarterback trade I’ll be thinking about for weeks, Kevin is the Lucky Bastard for winning with 9.2 from his quarterback and the most points left on the bench in the league, and Luke gets Bold Strategy for starting a quarterback another team had just released, and getting -1.9 for it.
🏆 Awards
- Team of the Week — Tuten Your Mother, Respectfully — 152.3, the week’s top score, with Burrow’s 44.4 and the namesake back from his bye for 28.9.
- Biggest Choke — Trick or Trick It’s Mike Vick — favored by 6.7, finished 25.8 under projection, and lost to a team that was done scoring by Sunday afternoon.
- Sacko of the Week — The ChoSimba Ones — 72.5, the week’s low score, in a 68.4-point loss, the same week the preview told him to start Caleb Williams and he traded him instead.
- Lucky Bastard — Remember the Nice Guys, ChatGPT — 9.2 from Stafford, 40.9 points on the bench, and a win anyway because Nate didn’t show up.
- Bold Strategy — 2x Runner Up — started Michael Penix Jr., freshly released by Trevor, against the league’s first 100-win manager, and got -1.9.
The Preview
The commish is one win from becoming the first manager in league history to 100 regular-season wins, and the schedule, which he does not control, I’m told, handed him the last-place team for the occasion. Meanwhile Dillon has to play the reigning champ two weeks in a row, which is less a double header than a two-part documentary about a season ending.
Every coronation needs one guy in the back row who stands up when they ask if anyone objects, and this week that’s Luke. God’s Commissioner needs one more win to reach 100, and the opponent is 2x Runner Up: last place, the lowest projection in the league, and an 81-point average that would get a lesser commissioner investigated. Luke’s quarterback, with Stroud on bye, is Michael Penix Jr., whom Trevor picked up last week and threw back like an undersized fish, and Luke’s whole Sunday night is three Eagles in Washington, the same game as Wade’s brand-new Commanders defense. The one thing Luke has is that he’s beaten Wade 11 times, and Wade clearly isn’t taking chances, because he benched Bryce Young and grabbed Geno Smith off the street, since nobody wants their milestone game remembered for a six-point quarterback. Wade. Somebody get the cake with the 1 and the two 0s.
Dillon’s season is now a two-week hostage negotiation with the reigning champ, and the hostage is Dillon. The ChoSimba Ones have lost two straight to a team called I am dead inside, blew a 21-point lead last week as the favorite, and left Caleb Williams’ 24 points on the bench while it happened. Caleb starts this week, which is the fantasy version of bringing an umbrella the day after the flood, and Dillon’s whole hope is that Caleb and Colston Loveland do something on Monday night in Seattle. Gibbed for your pleasure, meanwhile, is 5-2, gets Trevor Lawrence back from his bye, and has eight starters in the Sunday early games, so the champ will probably be done with Dillon before the late games kick off and spend the rest of the afternoon watching something else. And if Dillon gets swept, he gets to do it again next week without DK Metcalf, who’s on bye, so the rematch comes with a handicap. Jack.
Every league has a basement, and ours has two tenants who’ve been down there long enough to get mail. Remember the Nice Guys, ChatGPT and Trick or Trick It’s Mike Vick have 66 career wins each and are the only two managers ever to lose 100 games: Kevin’s 100th came last week, Nate’s at 102, and nobody threw either of them a party, while Wade is about to get one for the other kind of 100. Kevin’s three-game skid gets its verdict early, because three of his starters play Thursday night in Green Bay, so he’ll know by Friday morning whether he has a weekend. Nate won last week while starting a guy on injured reserve, which is either luck or a strategy he’s about to keep using, and this week he’s got Drake Maye, the top-projected starter in the league, to cover for whatever else he forgot. The series is tied 8-8, so this is the championship of the support group. Nate.
I am dead inside has won two straight, and both were against Dillon, which is like bragging about your bench press after lifting the same bag of groceries twice. Trevor gets Jayden Daniels back for Sunday night and the projection likes him, but this heater hasn’t faced anyone with a pulse yet. Return of the IDP just lost by 45 to the commish, has Christian McCaffrey on bye, and still gets my vote, because Josh Allen is back from his bye and is a lot scarier than two wins over Dillon. Bank it, Jono, because next week three of your players are on bye, more than anyone in the league. And the household note: Jono and Lexi are both underdogs this week, projected within a tenth of a point of each other, so this week’s dinner conversation is a coin flip before kickoff. Jono.
Zach treats the trade market like a slot machine, and this week it paid out in reverse. Tuten Your Mother, Respectfully traded for Alvin Kamara last week, and Kamara celebrated by going on bye, along with Cam Skattebo and Isaiah Likely, though at least Tuten is back to justify the team name. One Big Beautiful Dillbot has won three straight, the longest active win streak in the league, but Grant’s down Malik Nabers, Brock Purdy and his kicker, so he’s kicking with Chase McLaughlin, whom Zach picked up last week and dropped, which means Grant is literally playing Zach with Zach’s trash. Grant’s lineup is done by Sunday afternoon, Zach still has Luther Burden III on Monday night, and the projection likes Zach. In keeping with my new professional standards, I’m picking against Grant, and I’d like the record to show it hurt. Zach.
The rookie and the reigning sacko have never met, and one of these losing streaks ends Sunday while the other becomes a lifestyle. Cornstar has lost four straight, and Lexi opens Thursday night by starting Jordan Love and the Panthers D/ST, who are playing each other, which is the move of someone who wants to win and also wants to be able to say she called it. Swift kick in the Dak has lost two straight, Nico Collins and David Montgomery are on bye, and Shawnee’s starting lineup includes two waiver claims from this week, which is how you know the reigning sacko is very much still in the building. Lexi was my Upset Alert last week and lost by 30, and I’m not falling for it twice. Shawnee.
So here’s the card. Jack vs Dillon is the Game of the Week because it’s the opening half of Dillon’s last stand, and if he doesn’t take one of the two, his season’s over before the Halloween candy runs out. The Lock is Wade, because the commish has spent all week setting the table for his own party and Luke is the guest who brought nothing. The Upset Alert is Jono, because Josh Allen beats a heater made entirely of Dillon. And the Bold Prediction stays on theme: Wade hits 100 wins with the week’s high score, his second straight, and Kevin hits 101 losses the same weekend.
🔮 Picks
- Game of the Week — Gibbed for your pleasure vs The ChoSimba Ones — part one of a double header, a 10-8 series, and Dillon’s season riding on the next two weeks.
- Lock of the Week — God’s Commissioner — the top projection in the league against the bottom one, with win No. 100 on the line.
- Upset Alert — Return of the IDP — the model leans Trevor; I lean Josh Allen over a heater built entirely on Dillon.
- Bold Prediction — Wade hits 100 career wins with the week’s high score for the second straight week, and Kevin hits 101 losses the same weekend.
Power Rankings
Claude's subjective take on how the teams stack up heading into the week — weighing roster composition, recent matchups and scoring trends, key injuries, and any trades or pickups. Set at the start of the week, alongside the preview; the arrow shows the move from last week.
-
1
—
Holds at No. 1 on a 147 average over three weeks, and one win from the league's first 100.
-
2
—
Stays second on a 144 average over three, and gets Dillon two weeks running, which is less a schedule than a buffet.
-
3
—
Holds at three on a three-game streak; Nabers, Purdy and the kicker are on bye, so Mahomes drives.
-
4
▲2
Up two on a 5-2 record the trade machine built; Tuten's back, and Kamara arrived just in time for his bye.
-
5
▼1
Down one after a 45-point loss to the commish, but Josh Allen's back and that tends to fix things.
-
6
▼1
Down one despite a win, because beating Shawnee with a zero from injured reserve doesn't impress the computer either.
-
7
▲4
Up four on back-to-back wins over Dillon, and Jayden Daniels comes back from his bye to defend them.
-
8
▲1
Up one on a four-game losing streak, because the rookie's points are better than her record, and that's the whole argument.
-
9
▼2
Down two on three straight losses and a 98 average across them; Jefferson's 6.4 last week did not help.
-
10
▼2
Down two on a 93 average over three weeks, with Collins and Montgomery on bye and the waiver wire playing tight end.
-
11
▼1
Down one after blowing a 21-point lead as the favorite, and the reward is the reigning champ two weeks in a row.
-
12
—
Still twelfth on an 81-point average, and the only thing standing between the commish and win No. 100.