Week 1 · 2025
Matchups for this week aren’t set yet.
The Recap
Well, well, well. Week 1 and Pukkake already kicked the door off the hinges — 148.9, a league-high, and poor One Big Beautiful Dill got fed to the woodchipper by 58.7. Grant, buddy, that wasn’t a fantasy team, that was a fire drill. Jack is going to be insufferable for seven days and, worse, he’s earned it.
Elsewhere the beatings were quieter but no less rude. Thoughts and Players hung 122.3 on Trick or Trick It’s Mike Vick while Nate did his best impression of a bye week, and Keeping up with the McCalferies casually smothered Big Brown Dak Makes em Waddle, whose 85.2 was the week’s lowest and the fantasy equivalent of showing up to the party with a warm two-liter of store-brand cola. Zach, we need to talk.
And then there was the game nobody should be proud of: Dont spit just swallow 100.0, IDPs Forever 98.7. Wade wins by a point and change while Jono, God love him, is still starting defensive players like it’s a personality. A 1.3-point loss is the cruelest way to learn your team stinks — you were this close and it still wasn’t enough. Luke’s 2x Runner Up handled Henry, and Shawnee snuck past I am dead inside by six, a fitting result for a team named after how Trevor felt afterward.
Twelve teams. Eleven of you already have excuses. See you next week.
🏆 Awards
- Team of the Week — Pukkake — 148.9 and a 58-point curbstomp; Jack peaked in Week 1 and we’re all a little worried for him.
- Biggest Choke — One Big Beautiful Dill — put up 90 against the hottest team in the league and called it a day. Big, beautiful, done by halftime.
- Sacko of the Week — Big Brown Dak Makes em Waddle — 85.2, the league floor. The Dak did not, in fact, make ‘em waddle.
- Lucky Bastard — Dont spit just swallow — Wade escapes by 1.3 and will absolutely tell you it was skill.
- Bold Strategy — IDPs Forever — losing by a single point while die-hard-drafting defenders is the most Jono thing imaginable. Cotton.